Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Exodus 17-19

Hi Bible readers. I know I mentioned this before but in case you missed it, there's also a facebook page  if you'd like to like it so you can be updated when there's a new blog. I try to blog every Tuesday but sometimes things get weird. Like last week, when I didn't blog at all. Sorry about that. Anyway, onward.

Chapter 17:

The COI (Children of Israel) get super whiny again about being thirsty, again. Moses literally says:

"Why are you arguing with me? Why are you testing the Lord?"

Which sort of sounds like something a parent would say to a whiny child.

Moses talks to God about the water problem and rather than drop bottled water from the sky, God decides to give Moses an elaborate set of instructions because he can. He tells Moses to gather all the Israelite elders and go to a rock where God will be chilling, then Moses will strike the rock with his mighty staff and water will come out. They do all this and the COI drink water and probably whine about something else about 2 seconds later.

There is a battle between the COI and Amalek. There is no explanation of the conflict. All you have to know is that the COI are the good guys because God is on their side and Amalek probably had it coming.

Moses looks over the battle and helps much like an orchestra conductor. When he raises his hand, the COI start winning the battle. When he lowers his hand, the COI start losing. Eventually Moses's arms get tired so they pull up a rock for him to sit on and literally hold his arms up for him until the battle is won. I picture it like this.

Chapter 18: 

This chapter feels a little out of place. It's much too simple, straight forward and logical. People solve their problems peacefully. There's no incest, no secret seductions, no removal of foreskins, just people talking it out and solving problems.

Moses's father-in-law Jethro decides "hey Moses is free now, he'd probably like to see his wife and kids." So he just brings them out to Moses even though I thought they were all kind of lost in the desert, Jethro can just navigate right to them for the weekend. This part feels more in line with what I've come to expect from this book. The next logical weird part is coming.

Jethro sits down and has a nice chat with Moses and asks his son-in-law what it's like to be a leader of thousands of people and talk to God and stuff. Moses tells him it's ok. Then people keep coming to Moses to sort out their minor issues and Moses tells them about how to resolve it through God's rules. Jethro tells Moses that this is too stressful for him, that Moses should pick other leaders among his people to help sort through minor issues like this and they can save the big issues to take to Moses. This had not occurred to Moses because he doesn't understand how politics of any kind work. So they do that and at least in this chapter, nobody dies.

Chapter 19: 

God tells Moses that he's going to come and have a meeting with him in front of everyone in 3 days, so that the COI will trust Moses forever. God is going to come down on a cloud on Mount Sinai. There must be a fence to go around the mountain because if anyone touches it before the 3rd day, they have to die because reasons. And if you touch someone who touched the mountain, then you have to get stoned but not in a good way. Also everyone must make themselves holy by washing up and not getting it on. Also when God arrives, no one can get too close because otherwise Lord God will "break loose against them." It sort of sounds like they're preparing for the arrival of a werewolf.

Buffy nerds anyone?

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